WHERE YOUR RETIREMENT FUNDS GO

After a recent botched transaction with TIAA-CREF, which manages retirement savings for academics, I decided to complain. Looking for someone to complain to, I found Mr. Roger W. Ferguson, Jr., the president of TIAA-CREF. With him, I found his contract with TIAA-CREF, and discovered that he takes home a good bit of my money every month. So I wrote to him both about the problem I had had transferring $25,000from TIAA-CREF to my bank account and about the greater problem of his transferring $11,000,000 a year from TIAA-CREF to his bank account. The following is my letter to Mr. Ferguson.

3 April 2009

Mr. Roger W. Ferguson, Jr.
730 3rd Avenue
New York, New York 10017

Dear Mr. Ferguson,

I am an emeritus professor of English at the University of Michigan, and an emeritus professor of Humanities at Bellarmine University. I am currently teaching as an unpaid guest professor at the Universität des Saarlandes in Germany.
I am writing to you about the disastrous service I have recently received from your CREF division. Before I get to that, however, let me discuss briefly another topic.
In searching for your name and address I came across your contract with TIAA-CREF. I see that we—teachers, for the most part—are paying you $11,000,000 a year in “total compensation.” That’s a lot of money: more than any human being could possibly need, even if he were greedy and had a thousand children.
Your $1,000,000 a year salary is more than most college and university professors will earn in twenty years of dedicated work.
You will receive not less than $5,000,000 a year as a Long Term Performance Award—beginning at the end of your first year! That’s quite remarkable—and unnecessary. As it is my money that is paying you this nonsensical and offensively large this “Award” I object.
You will also receive a $5,000,000 a year Transitional Award. What is the transition you are making? From being wealthy to being obscenely, anti-socially wealthy?
I couldn’t find figures about your Retirement pay, though I am certain it will be considerably more than the retirement income of any professor who has invested in TIAA-CREF.
In a world full of poor people, homeless people, hungry people, the payment of such compensation and the acceptance of such compensation are both disgusting and immoral.
If you object to my calling you immoral for your greediness, you may explain to me why I should refrain from identifying you as such publicly. Otherwise, I will do so, to the best of my ability.
Now: to the matter about which I initially intended to write. This matter is, of course, related to the matter of your personal greed, particularly since the new TIAA-CREF sloganises itself as dedicated to “Financial Services for the Greater Good.”
On 12 March I spoke to three people—Maier, Wright, and Galvan—about transferring $25,000 of my money from CREF to my New Orleans bank. I was told the electronic transfer would take eight to ten days. (Remarkably fast electrons at TIAA-CREF; maybe you could donate a few dollars to upgrade them?)
When I telephoned TIAA-CREF on 30 March to find out why the $25,000 had not been transferred to my bank, I spoke with Gene Merchant from 5:00 p.m. to 5:28 p.m. EDT. He informed me that a check had been sent to my New Orleans address. He also noted that the order he was looking at indicated the money was supposed to be transferred to my New Orleans bank account.
He volunteered to void the check—I am currently in Germany, as I mentioned above—and have the money sent to my bank within another ten days. I said that such a slow response by TIAA-CREF to its own mistake was unacceptable.
Mr. Merchant then told me he would “escalate” the matter to the “escalation team.” Jargon. Garbage. Who got paid how much for inventing the “escalation team”?
The “escalator” assigned to me was Mr. Bob Ziegler. At 5:00 p.m. EDT on 31 March I telephoned him—he had not telephoned me, as I had been told he would—and was answered by a machine. On 1 April Mr. Ziegler telephoned me, to say that within two to three days the $25,000 transfer I had ordered on 12 March would actually be made. (More fast electrons. Maybe another contribution?)
I asked Mr. Ziegler for the address of a superior to whom I could complain. He told me I could write to Mr. Greg Ryan in Charlotte, N.C., or to Ms. Karen Green at something called strangely the “ IPS Individual Group” at “Financial Services for the Greater Good” in Denver.
I chose to write to you instead. Perhaps you can earn a few of the many dollars you are paid to teach your employees not to make mistakes, your escalators to do something better than escalate, and your electrons to work more quickly.
I don’t like incompetence—three weeks for an electronic transfer of funds--though I must note that it is much, much less offensive than greed.

Sincerely yours,

Bert G. Hornback